亢奋第一季

旧时躁郁，对此段颇有共鸣，不禁泪目。

如小芸妈在信中写到的： “看不见她妈妈，爸爸或妹妹，还不足以形容一个人独处，那些恐慌发作时，情绪起伏时，困惑时，纷乱无序时，还有那些不只对你，也对她自己发的怒。”

我们为此苦苦挣扎，也因此深感无能为力。曾懦弱的想要躲避伤痛，藏起来；也曾莽勇的想过粉碎情绪，战胜它。最后，我们都不约而同的，选择与自己和解，与那些说不清道不明的纷乱情绪、不知该如何解答的无序思绪，和平共处，学会平静。

文章首发工号：是罗小帅啊（ysdlxs44）

世道不好 怪我何用

在互联网的催化下，如今的00后所接受到的信息体量，无疑是巨大的。

青春期是青少年寻找自我的一个重要时期，对世界的初步认知来源除了周围人便是互联网，这样难免会出现误入歧途的情况。

人在时代的洪流下，大多只是随波逐流的浮萍，能够在洪流中保持自我已是不易。

HBO最新推出的E级青春剧《Euphoria》（迷醉），一上线便引来了众多美国父母的抵制，剧中吸毒、性爱、强奸等场面众多。

在剧中会看到一群颓废到极点的美国青年生活，剧中的青少年哪个不是这个时代洪流下随波逐流的浮萍，逃避让人焦虑的现实生活，试图用颓废的态度消极生活的意义。

01

故事从小茹（Rue）的视角展开，出生在“911事件”后的第三天，父母在未经过小茹本人的允许下，来到了这个动荡不安的世界。

小茹因为强迫症、焦虑症、抑郁症一直在吃药，周遭的环境也是让小茹烦心不止。

男孩子发送的性骚扰短信，各种操蛋的事情，都加剧了小茹对世界的焦虑感。

压抑、焦虑的生活总需要一个口子释放，小茹染上了毒瘾，靠毒品摆脱现实的烦恼。

即便是去戒毒所也是走走过程，根本没想过真的戒毒。

在美国这样大麻部分州开始合法化的国家，毒品的泛滥，吸毒群体趋向于年轻化，这些都给这个国家蒙上了一层阴影。

美国疾控中心发布的报告显示，从2003年到2013年，美国12岁以上吸食过海洛因的人数增长了63%，同时美国也是全球毒品最大的市场。

毒品在这个国家的泛滥程度在影视剧上也有体现，这并不是骇人听闻，现实更加魔幻。

造成美国毒品泛滥的原因离不开社会的浮躁，同时国家几百年历史很难能撑起这样一个多种族的社会。

在资本主义社会背景下，近几年的阶层固化严重，拜金主义盛行，年轻人有野心却没有实现的能力，政府未做到正确的引导，丧成了逃避现实的借口，毒品成了逃避现实的方式。

这个时候不得不提一句，中国在经历过鸦片战争后，对毒品的打击和毒品危害的宣传做得相当得好，以史为鉴才能走得更远。

小茹这样的角色，只是许多误入歧途的青年们的一个缩影，染上毒瘾毁了自己以及家庭，渴望回归正常生活，发现自己越陷越深。

02

茱尔丝，一位打着雌性激素的跨性别女孩。

才搬来小茹的社区不久，喜欢青春艳丽的超短裙装扮。

茱尔丝的角色相较于小茹来说，更加得悲情。

渴望被爱，却难得理解，在陌生的环境中被欺负后只能用极端的方式保护自己。

作为跨性别者，茱尔丝在后续的剧情里肯定还会遭受到更多的坎坷。

茱尔丝约到了一位喜欢跨性别者的大叔，在不知道大叔是不是杀人狂的情况下，仍然奔赴小旅馆。

结果这位大叔是在聚会上欺负自己的内特的父亲。

不知道这个伏笔会引出怎样的故事。

就在聚会上，小茹和茱尔丝第二次相遇了，第一次在小茹从戒毒所回家的路上。

聚会上茱尔丝面对内特对自己无理由的咄咄逼人，二话不说直接上刀，这样的举动吓坏了在场的众人，都说只有同病相怜的人才会惺惺相惜。

在茱尔丝准备回家的时候，小茹追了出来。

一顿操作猛如虎，初次见面的小茹跟着茱尔丝回家了。

接下来的画面镜头可以说是整集最唯美平和的。

小茹从后抱着茱尔丝的后背，露出了久违的安静。

夜晚将时间拉长，也将这份久违的安静装进了小茹和茱尔丝的水晶球里。

这几年对LGBT群体的认同，成了美国政治正确的事，但歧视LGBT群体的情况仍然存在，很多保守基督教徒甚至认为自己有对LGBT群体言语攻击的言论自由。

在这个国家，LGBT群体需要走的路还很漫长。

03

《Euphoria》的剧情目前看来很简单，不过剧情才出了第一集，很难去评判，不过能够看到的目前这部剧的质感还不错。

很多人看完这部剧觉得剧中在鼓吹这种糜烂颓废的生活，其实不是。

如果你看到视频最后，会看到这部剧打出

“if you or someone you love needs help , text Eurphoria to 741741 or visit EurphoriaResources.com”

青春期本是探寻自我价值的重要阶段，出现偏差无可厚非，难的是在这段时期里没有得到正确的引导。

剧中一群男孩围着分享女孩的裸照、凯特为了破处而破处、麦凯模仿色情片中的虐待情节。

剧中许多情节都折射出了当下美国青年所陷入的成长困境，颓、丧成了这部剧目前的主基调。

生而为人，我很抱歉，但请别放弃我。

◆◆◆◆◆

是罗小帅啊

有趣、有料、有态度

微信公众号：是罗小帅啊

喜欢的话，点个“在看”

（第二季已更新

//movie.douban.com/review/14564265/）

图源人人影视

Jules

Maddy

Cassie

Kat

Rue

Lexi

服装也很好看。。

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讲道理 作为一个后期狗兼执行制片 这部剧简直就是19年影视标杆好吧 那个镜头那个调色那个打光那个场控协调 恕我直言同个题材的剧你康康隔壁网飞的性爱自习室 简直把人家摁在地上反复鞭尸好嘛 反正就那电影级的画面感和秀肌肉式的镜头感我就吹爆 而且ost辣么好听！

（我就是不服凭啥性爱自习室评分更高🌚

中产阶级的高中生，天天都聚会趴体，啪啪啪，沉迷，大麻，攀比，沉醉，我倒真觉得咱们的青春高考还是挺正能量的，起码是拼搏进取积极的读过有意义的几年，是的，我就是觉得人活着还是要积极乐观对待人生要好点。不喜勿喷。还有他们是不是生活条件太好了。。。。就那样。。。.............................................................可能我更喜欢《羞耻》那样的青春剧

任何人的伤痛和文娱爱好都不应该被低估。 ————by 苏珊桑塔格 （我编的）

PS: 引用图片均来自网络和ins，侵删。

《皮囊》图片来自豆瓣影片页面

HBO的残酷青春新剧——《亢奋》（Euphoria），一部关于生殖、成瘾、童年阴影、家庭问题、青春期创伤的美剧，硬要拿它跟12年前的英剧《皮囊》第一季相比？似乎根本没有可比性。不往远说，扫一眼原声歌单，我们在《皮囊》里听见过Joy Division、Wilco、LCD Soundsustem、Yeah Yeah Yeahs……. 《亢奋》中传来的是Blood Orange、Jamie xx、Drake……哪怕后者在一集场景中集齐了30根老二，这也是两代人的青春，基本不关彼此什么事。《卫报》去年有篇新闻报道里提到了英国18岁以下的青少年滥用**和酒精问题呈下降趋势，《大西洋月刊》也在去年底推出一篇长文，讲的是当代年轻人对啪啪啪越来越没兴趣。总之这些黑恶势力看起来似乎越来越难得到年轻人的青睐。Chuck Berry当年放出那句大名鼎鼎的狠话——“摇滚乐超越了贝多芬，请把这个消息告诉柴柯夫斯基。” 没成想六十多年过去了，这话还没传到柴可夫斯基耳朵里，快手和抖音便杀死sex&drugs&rock&roll，摇滚乐已经是出土文物，国内某摇滚综艺沦为七零八零后大型怀旧现场，连蒸汽波也快追不上潮流，看来什么都不用告诉柴可夫斯基了，还不如回家溜溜柯基。九十年代的明星，我们还能看见他们醉倒在街头的狗仔照，现在的他们，应该正在前往女权主义演讲的路上。然而，你有《猜火车》里苏格兰火车轨道的酷，我有小区隔壁5G基站的酷，你我人鬼殊途，不分胜负。

言归正传，回到剧中人物。

Zendaya

Zendaya

女一，饰演Rue的Zendaya，迪士尼童星出身，新晋蜘蛛侠女友，instagram上的青少网红，在剧中扮演一位被勒戒的失足少女。按照目前的势头应该是爱上了女二号。不能说她演技抱歉，只是，她不属于这个角色。

Rue & Jules

Rue & Jules

女二登场，Jules的扮演者Hunter Schafer点亮了这部剧。这里所谓的“点亮”，是真的点亮，她就像美少女战士水冰月变身那样，带着大卫汉密尔顿的少女之光登场。小鹿般的修长双腿，婴儿般纯净的眼神和微笑，骑单车时，柔顺的浅黄色头发在微风中荡漾着，兄弟会外表的男一号将她的单车推倒时，应该就已经爱上她了吧?

Hunter Schafer

Hunter Schafer在剧中饰演一位变性人，人设非常有趣且有代表性——无论是穿衣风格还是染成人鱼色的头发，以及她房间里时不时传出的日漫背景音，都显示她是个日本动漫文化的西方青少年粉丝，当拒绝女一邀约时，她表示自己要在家看《魔法少女小圆》。事实上，这种迷恋日本文化的海外宅早成气候，并且“Weeaboo”的负面印象在逐渐削弱，想必一批东方中老年眼见童年乖宝宝回忆竟然演化为新生代眼中怪力乱神的亚文化符号时，难免会露出尴尬而不失骄傲的微笑。

然而比剧中角色更吸引人的当属本色出演的Hunter Schafer本人。她1999年出生于美国北卡罗来纳州罗利市，父亲是一名牧师。她今年20岁，是一名模特、演员、艺术家、LGBT权益活动家，同时也是一位变性女孩。在高中时，她曾抗议北卡罗来纳州公共设施隐私和安全法案，在当时也被称为“浴室法案”。作为模特，她合作过的品牌有Dior，Miu Miu，Rick Owens，Helmut Lang，Tommy Hilfiger，Maison Margiela，Vera Wang，Marc Jacobs，Versus Versace，Emilio Pucci，Ann Demeulemeester等一系列大牌。被《Teen Vogue》评为21岁以下21个新星之一。此次出演《亢奋》，她跟该剧创作者Sam Levinson合作，基于自己的真实感受和经历，使这个角色更加鲜活。

她常会在社交网络账号上分享自己的涂鸦、拼贴、自拍......

剧中另一个角色Kat Hernandez，反而在女性关于体重、形象、性吸引力自我认知方面的讨论更智慧。

其人物形象让人不得不联想到另一部更早的青春电影《幽灵世界》中的Enid。这部由Daniel Clowes的同名漫画改编成的电影现如今依然在青年亚文化电影讨论中占有一席之地，而更具讽刺意味的是，斯嘉丽·约翰逊当年在此剧中的光芒几乎完全被Enid这个角色掩盖，没办法，因为Enid实在太可爱了。

Enid

Enid

Enid

以至于其中一个人物造型我认为根本就是导演在致敬《幽灵世界》

上：《幽灵世界》，下：《亢奋》

Kat跟另一个男孩为爱鼓掌的影片被上传网络，当校长当面此事，她的回答堪称此剧前三集最精彩时刻，充满对当代政治正确的幽默调侃，以至于校长竟然不敢指认片子里的”胖“女孩就是她。

此剧还有另外两个宝藏角色，养肥了继续写。

中间这位

左边这位

正在听导演讲戏

下集继续，很快回来。

曾经的我 幸福满足 I was once happy, content, 徜徉在只属于我的羊水之中 sloshing around in my own private, primordial pool. 结果有一天 由于不可抗拒的因素 Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, 我母亲莱丝丽的子宫 I was repeatedly crushed... 一次又一次对我残忍地施加压力 over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Leslie. 我顽强地抵抗了 却终敌不过大自然 I put up a good fight, but I lost, 这是我人生第一次败仗 之后更是节节败退

我厌弃所有人 除了你 I hate everyone else in the world but you.

茱尔丝 你自残吗 And, Jules, do you self-injure? 事实上 茱尔丝讨厌自己 The truth was, Jules hated herself. 她讨厌自己大脑的运作方式 She hated how her brain worked... 她的大脑会因一个想法而卡住 the way it would get stuck on a thought, 从而噎到自己 like choking. 专注于当下 All right. Keep present. 大脑会陷入无尽的循环 And it would just play on an infinite loop, 直到她停止思考 until she couldn't think 无法呼吸 濒临死亡 or breathe or stand to be alive. 克服并非易事 茱尔丝 This is hard, Jules. 你一定可以挺过去 You're going to get through it, okay? 但她不仅讨厌自己的大脑 She didn't just hate her brain, though. 她还讨厌自己的身体 但不是每个部位都讨厌 She hated her body, not every part, 只讨厌肩膀 手臂 just her shoulders, and her arms, 双手 and her hands. 还有胸部 腹部 大腿 Also her chest, her stomach, her thighs. 她最讨厌膝盖了 Her knees were the worst. 还很讨厌脚踝和肥大的双脚 Plus her ankles, and her big, fucking, stupid feet. 她讨厌自己的人生 并非因为过得不好 She hated her life, not because it was bad, 而是因为 痛恨自己的大脑和身体之人 but because when you hate your brain and your body, 很难享受人生

每当她被虐得很惨时... And whenever anything got too uncomfortable... 茱尔丝就假装自己灵魂出窍 Jules would just imagine that she wasn't really herself, 她其实在旁观别人的生活 and this wasn't really her life. 她只是虚构作品中的一个虚构人物 She was just a character in a book or a movie or a show. 一切都是假象 即便是真 又能如何呢 That none of it was real, and if it was, how did it matter? 这具身体本就不属于她 It's not like her body ever really belonged to her in the first place.

我没有特别喜欢的事情 There's nothing I'm really passionate about. 没有非要做或说的事 You know, like, I'm not dying to say or do anything, really. 每次我向大家坦露心迹 And every time I admit that to people, 他们都会觉得这样很可悲 但是... they're like, "Oh, my gosh, that's so sad." But... 我觉得多数人都是如此 I think that's the case for most people. 我妈是如此 You know? Like, when I look at my mom or... 我同学也是如此 like, the kids at my school-- 从他们社交媒体上的动态就能看出来 like, their profiles or their posts and their Tumblr rants... 大家也都过得稀里糊涂 迷茫无助 you realize they're all just fucked up, too... and lost. 只是他们都得掩饰真相... They just have a reason to mask it... 为了不让家人担忧 whether it be, like, their, their families 拴住男友 博取关注 or their boyfriends or their hashtag activism. 他们都只是借助表面的光鲜亮丽 And they're just reaching for something -粉饰人生的虚无 -小茹... - to make it all seem meaningfu

麦迪从小就很了解自己 Maddy knew who she was from a very early age. 从麦迪记事以来 她就是万人迷 For as long as Maddy could remember, everybody loved her.

她不知自己为何受欢迎 She never knew exactly what it was. 她只知道自己很特殊 She just knew that she had something special, 气质迷幻朦胧 something intangible, 魅力无人能及 something immeasurable.

她因此充满自信 And it gave her confidence

她也是因此热爱选美 That's why she loved pageantry, 因为冠军不必容貌倾城 高挑精干 because you didn't have to be the prettiest or the tallest 也不必金发碧眼 肤如凝脂 or the blondest or the whitest. 自信闪耀就够了

You just had to have fucking confidence.嘉年华当晚 和卢克·卡斯滕打炮时 So the night of the carnival, while fucking Luke Kasten, 凯特顿悟了 Kat had an epiphany. 她居然上了卢克·卡斯滕 She was fucking Luke Kasten, 那他妈可是卢克·卡斯滕啊 Luke motherfucking Kasten. 没上过东高的人可能不知道... And for those of you who didn't go to East Highland... 卢克·卡斯滕可是男神 Luke Kasten was a fucking god. 他毕业多年 可学校里依然有他的传说 I mean, he graduated years ago and people still talk about him. 他有我见过最大的鸡鸡 He has the biggest dick I've ever seen, 他上我时 我一直盯着他看 and I was looking at him while he was fucking me. 他射精时 I could see his face scrunching up 我看到他的脸皱成一团 when he was coming all over my stomach, 我突然就顿悟了 and I had this, like, realization, you know, like, this epiphany. 无论这个人有多酷帅性感 That no matter how cool, or, or sexy 不论他在你眼中有多聪明 or, or smart you think a guy is, 其实都卑微渺小得可悲可怜 they're actually just fucking pathetic.

我一直试图减弱自己的存在感 my whole life, all I've tried to do is to take up less space.

企图避开那帮男人 Try to hide from guys, like, who might, like, 因为我经过时 他们会对朋友悄悄吐槽 whisper to their friend under their breath as I walked by. 我这一生 I've spent my whole life 都在担心大家会发现我是个胖妞 afraid people were gonna find out that I was fat. 但说实话 根本没人在意 But honestly, who gives a shit?

无所畏惧的胖女孩所向披靡 There's nothing more powerful than a fat girl who doesn't give a fuck.

高中的情谊转瞬即逝 并非天长地久 Nothing in high school lasts forever. 你该见见她 You should meet her.

Are you kidding me? 你被罚下了 You're out of the game. 冲动就会输球 You get emotional, you lose. 动怒就会输球 You get angry, you lose. -爸 他说我是... -无关紧要 - Dad, he called me-- - I don't give a good goddamn. 你觉得他为什么偏偏说你呢 Why do you think he's talking to you in the first place? -因为他... -因为他想激怒你 - Because he-- - Because he's trying to get a rise out of you. 扰乱你的思绪 让你分心 Trying to make you upset, lose focus. 他在挑战你的底线 这就是生存法则 That's his game. That's the world's game. 他们不断逼你 They want to push on you, 逗弄你 考验你的极限 Poke on you, see exactly how much you can take. 极限会决定你能走多远 And how much you can take is what will ultimately define you. 因为应对之道可以衡量人的品性 Because the measure of a man is in how he reacts. 我该如何应对 How am I supposed to react? 将自己的所有情绪 By taking everything you feel, 挫败感 愤怒 狂暴 all your frustrations, your anger, your rage, 统统收起 you bottle it up, 守住本心 you take your position, 当情绪累积至顶峰 and when that snap comes, 将其化作喷薄而出的动力 you let it explode.

她几乎每次都会心软答应 And she almost always said yes. 尽管她很不情愿 也会照做 Even though it didn't always make her feel good. 她知道 多数男生跟她分手后 And she knew that most guys, after she broke up with them, 都会散播她的性爱视频和裸照

would always share those photos or videos. 她刚发现时 恐慌心悸 The first time she found out, she had a panic attack, 她甚至想吞扑热息痛自杀 and wanted to swallow a whole bottle of Tylenol. 但最终打消了自杀的念头 But she didn't. 因为大家顶多言语上对她讽刺挖苦 Because, I mean, what's the worst thing anybody could say to her? 无非就是嘲笑她给渣男口交而已 That she gave a blowjob to a guy who didn't deserve it? 而且 她觉得等到毕业求职那会儿 And she figured by the time she was out of college and looking for a job, 绝大多数人都有过裸照的黑历史了 99 percent of the population would have leaked nudes, anyway.

一想到要站起来 The thought of having to stand up, 移动35英尺 每走一步要调动172块肌肉 exert 172 muscles each step for 35 feet, 就为了坐在冰凉的陶瓷坐便器上 just so I can sit on cold porcelain 日复一日地排出体内毒素 and piss out toxins over and over again for the rest of my life 我就觉得人生是一个漫长且磨人的玩笑 makes the whole concept of living feel like one long, sadistic joke. 但抑郁最磨人的一点是 But the absolute worst part of depression 你明知自己抑郁了 is that even though you know you're depressed, 却依然无可救药地越陷越深 you're unable to stop yourself from getting worse

抑郁的另一症状就是 The other thing about depression is 让人丧失时间概念 it kind of collapses time. 突然之间 全部记忆混杂交织 Suddenly, you find your whole days blending together 无穷无尽 令人窒息 to create one endless and suffocating loop. 抑郁后 人会试图回想愉悦的瞬间 So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. 但大脑会一点点蚕食欣快的回忆 But slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. 最终 And eventually, 脑中仅剩人生中沉闷压抑的记忆 all you can think about is how life has always been this way. 人就会日渐消沉 And will only continue to be this way.

曾经有个心理医生说 我压抑的状态会起起落落 I had a therapist once who said that these states will wax and wane. 我妈因此松了一口气 Which gave my mother relief, 因为就算我犯病了 because it meant that in the bad times, 总也会好起来 there would be good times. 但她也因此焦灼难安 But it also gave her anxiety 因为就算我一时没事 because it meant that in the good times, 总也有抑郁发作的一天 there would be bad times. 我一直很不解 It always confused me, 因为我不懂"起落"的意思 because I didn't really know what it meant. 但听起来比我自己的形容更让人安心 But it did sound a lot calmer than the way I would describe it. 我得继续服药 There you go. How you feel? Okay? 我知道你现在很低落 宝贝 I know you're feeling low right now, baby. 但你没有故态复萌 说明你的症状有所缓解 But the fact that you didn't turn back means you're gettin' better. 没错 It does. 一定是这样 It does. 当然了 我之后才领悟到 Granted, I didn't realize until later "起起落落"的真正含义 what waxing and waning implied. 抑郁无法根除 会反复发作 That these feelings were fixed and constant 我的余生都将与抑郁作伴 and would never end for the rest of my life.

我住院观察了三天 And kept me there for three days. 其实住院可好了 It was actually really nice. 我超喜欢医院 I love hospitals. 要是余生都能在医院度过 我绝对没意见 If I could spend the rest of my life in a hospital, I would. 因为住院时 Because when you're in a hospital, 可以做个米虫 you have zero responsibilities. 医护人员会保证你吃饱睡好 身体棒棒 They make sure you eat, sleep, stay hydrated, 如遇不测 医生总能及时出现 and if anything bad happens, there's always a doctor nearby. 谢谢 Thank you. 发生大规模枪击案时 待在医院最明智了 It's also the best place to be in the event of a mass shooting, 只要外科医生没死光光就行 unless the gunman kills all the surgeons. 关键是 我在医院无忧无虑 The point is, I had zero anxiety.

我昨晚写信时 and as I sat down last night to write it, 忍不住回想你出生那天的场景 I couldn't stop thinking about the day you were born. 我第一次将你抱入臂弯 Holding you in my arms for the first time, 怜爱地看着你 looking down at you, 看着你可爱动人的小脸 your sweet, beautiful face... 我这辈子从未如此充满爱意 欢欣愉悦 I had never felt so much love and joy in my entire life. 于是我想到... And I thought that... 若是那一刻 有人能提醒我该多好 what if in that moment I heard a voice, 通晓万物的人生旁白对我低语 some omniscient narrator who said, "接下来将会如此" "Here's what's going to happen. "你的女儿将会风趣幽默 聪明伶俐 开朗大方" "Your daughter is gonna be funny, and smart, and outgoing, "她的灵气从小便会显现" You'll see it instantly, from a young age." "她将会魅力四射 广交朋友" "She'll be charismatic and make friends easily." "她将会温柔善良 心思细腻" "She'll be kind and sensitive. "细腻到敏感" "Maybe too sensitive. "她不会是个乖乖女" "She won't be an easy child. "她会很叛逆" She'll struggle." "因此 你将很难看懂她" "And in turn, you'll struggle to understand her." "你将跟不上她的思维" "To understand what's going on inside of her head. "无法理解那些难以摆脱的梦魇" "The night terrors that can't be interrupted. "很多时候 晚饭后" "The times after dinner where "她会坐在餐桌旁" "She'll just sit at the kitchen table "一遍遍数着天花板砖的数量and count the tiles over and over, "数到自己上气不接下气" "Until she hyperventilates. "你会用尽全力拥她入怀 安慰她" "To fight to hold her in your arms, to tell her it's okay." "你们将难以平静 她会摔打东西 大吼大叫" "To calm down. The kicking. The screaming. "她会害怕受伤" "The anxiety of being harmed. "她会日夜煎熬" "The transitions from day to night, "从家中到学校 每顿饭皆是如此" "From home to school, from meal to meal. "她会担心失去父母和妹妹" Of losing her mother or father or little sister." "她害怕会孤苦伶仃" - "Of being alone." 我很喜欢她 I really like her. "她会恐慌发作 情绪波动 迷惑不解 精神分裂" "The panic attacks, mood swings, confusion, disorganization "她会愤怒狂躁" "And all that rage. "不仅生你的气 也会恼恨自己" "Not just at you, but at herself. "最煎熬的是..." "And the tough part i "她无法自救 而你也将束手无策" "you'll feel as helpless to help her as she does herself." "你将犯下大大小小的错误" "You'll make mistakes. Small ones and big ones. "你会慌忙求助 病急乱投医" "You'll look for help from people who aren't helpful. "你求助之人或许根本不了解情况" "Or who don't actually understand what's happening." "内疚感将因此伴你终生" "And the guilt will never leave you." "但若你保持镇定 温柔耐心" "But if you remain calm and patient, "若你能仔细聆听" "If you listen closely, "你便能渐渐理解她" "理解她为何重复地数了一遍又一遍" "The counting, the repetition, "理解她对于对称的执着" "the need for symmetry. "若你睡前亲吻了她的左脸" "That if you kiss her left cheek before bed, "一定也要亲吻她的右脸" "You have to kiss her right cheek. "还有额头 下巴" "And her forehead. Then her chin. "因为这样才平衡稳定" "That it's about balance, stability. "这样她才能疏导情绪 捋顺思绪" "The need to organize her feelings and thoughts, so... "这样她才能平静下来" she can breathe easier." "你将得到片刻的喘息" "And there will be moments of relief, "你们俩都能松一口气" "In her and in you. "这些时刻平静安宁 顺心满足" "Moments that feel so normal, and calm, and rewarding that... "你会希望平淡的幸福能够天长地久" "You'll find yourself praying they last forever. "可她还小" "Even though she's only a child, "糟心事还在后面呢 "And all the hard parts have yet to even come. "16岁时" "And at the age of 16, "她会吸毒过量" "She'll overdose, "昏迷四天" "Spend four days in a coma, "生死未卜" "And you won't know if she'll live or die. "但等她醒来" "But when she wakes up, "她会有机会戒毒" "She'll be given the opportunity to get clean, "改过自新" "To become a different person, "完善自己" "A better person. "但有一点你无能为力" "Here's the toughest part. "不论你怎么说 怎么做 怎么想" "No matter what you say, or do, or wish, "决定权都在她手中" "The decision will be all hers. "你只能心怀希望" "And all you can do is hope "希望她能给自己一个重新来过的机会"

凯特 Kat. 万一现在就是我们人生的高光时刻呢 What if these are, like, the big moments in life? 我妈总说 Like, my mom always talks about 高中是她人生的里程碑式高光时刻 how high school was like this big, monumental part of her life. 可她都半老徐娘了 居然还对高中念念不忘 But I cannot imagine being 40 and looking back at this, like, "Wow." 因为多数人在高中达到了人生巅峰 Yeah, but that's because most people peak in high school. 我肯定还没达到巅峰... I definitely haven't peaked, so... 我感觉自己还没长大呢 I feel like I'm not even a person yet. 我也就攀登到巅峰的四分之一吧 Yeah, I'm definitely at, like, 25 percent peakness. 我好像达到巅峰了 I feel like I'm at a hundred. 但我还能升得更高 But I can definitely get to 150. 讲真 我都没想到自己能撑到现在 Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far. 什么意思 What do you mean? 我总是提心吊胆 惶惶不安 I don't know. I just always had, like, this overwhelming anxiety 我总觉得一定会出事 that something bad would happen. 说实话 去年夏天 In all fairness, last summer, 我有三周一直以为你死了 there were, like, three weeks where I thought you were dead.