面具之内

当我们谈论女权主义时，我们不可避免地会谈到那些给予女性压迫的男性。但是是什么使他们从一个纯真的孩子走向那样一个男性的形象呢？ 男孩从小就被告诉be a man，be tough，be strong，be silent，于此相对的是don't be girlish，don't cry… 影片中所引用的例子来自美国，或许看起来more sharp than 中国的情况，但其中还是有很多共性的问题，比如说把男孩和女孩分得太开。 从儿时起，仿佛蓝色就代表男孩，粉色就代表女孩。Boys' stuff are always blue，while girls' are always pink。这就好像人为挖了一条深深的沟渠将两者区分开。喜欢蓝色对于女孩来说或许并没有什么，但喜欢粉色的男孩可能就会被认为奇怪。 但其实不论男孩还是女孩都首先是一名人类，而人类有喜欢任何颜色的自由，同时有拥有各种情感的自由，也有表达自我情感的自由… 所以在我看来女权主义的背后也是无数个被压抑，被糟糕对待，被迫带上面具的男性，而或许它们的本源在于社会文化环境对性别的刻板刻画。 虽然意识到这一点在短时间内或许不能改变什么，但反抗与改变的前提是我们至少要意识到。

我推荐所有的男性友邻都看一看这部纪录片（女性也可以看）。masculine这块可能是中国为数不多比美国“稍好”一点的地方（指不会发生枪击），但也绝对没有任何可以称之为改良的进步。作为男性，我时常感觉周围的男性有些糟糕，更经常感受到自己的糟糕。我觉得我们可能多少有点残缺，好像哪里少了点什么东西，而远在美国的真实情况告诉了我这并不是偶然。除了真实，这部纪录片打动我的还有我在其中看到了自己以及我自己经验的映射，有些部分让我产生了共鸣。我甚至觉得自己要是生在美国，可能就会活得像其中的一个男人。我想我们最大的问题是，把正常人类的一部分情绪贴上男子汉的标签，告诉我们你应该使用那些情绪；而另外一些情绪则贴上女性标签，禁止男性表达。当男性想要或者应该表达这些情绪的时候，只能发现自己的心已经变得空洞、迟钝、冷漠，所会的只剩下发怒和攻击。我不知道动物世界里的雄性会不会也有“非雄性”情绪或者行为表现的需要，人类也是动物，但我想获得了人性建立了文明的人类应该有所改变。这部纪录片的名字叫《面具之内》，伤感、痛苦、孤独、脆弱，都是藏在男性面具下面的东西。很巧的是，就在昨天我起床时抱怨了一声要上早课，好痛苦，然后我的室友接话说：“戴上（快乐）面具吧。”（但事实上我后来并没有起床上课，我选择了翘课睡觉）

任何强权的背后，都是压抑人性的悲剧的结合体，社会赋予了太多超过性别的意义所在。其实，男人和女人之外，其实最重要的，是我们都是人类之中的一员，我们都有权利做自己希望做的样子。

在看这部片子以前，我一直以为男人既然占有社会的主导地位，他们应该比我们女人更好过一点，可现如今我终于明白，没有人能逃脱，悲剧，是每个人的。我们能做的，是通过我们一代人又一代人的努力，有一天，我们每一个人都是平等的，性别、肤色、高矮、外表、职业等等，每一个人都能得到社会的尊重，能被看到，被听到，而不是被忽略掉。

社会赋予性别的意义太多太多了，男人应该怎么怎么样，女人应该怎么怎么样，可是这些没有应该的吧，每个人都是特别的，又如何相同，又如何定义。我们的文化，不仅教导女孩们物化自己，轻视自己，也在教导男孩们不尊重女孩，物化女孩，所以造就了社会如今的样貌，一代又一代的悲剧。但是，只要看到了，发现了，世界就一定可以慢慢被改变，伤口就一定可以慢慢被愈合。这样的价值观，其实和我们文化里劝人为善是相违背的，这才是最大的矛盾。我在想，其实人类社会的种种悲剧，都是由此引起，我们必须去挖掘出来！

我始终认为，当一个人学会去尊重自己，爱自己以后，才能真正学会尊重别人，爱别人。爱是融合的，不是割裂的，不是我除了你这个人我什么都不爱，恰恰相反，我爱你，同样我也爱这个世界，可能是物品，可能是事业，可能是宠物，但内心的爱一定是相通的，给我们以温暖以及自由。

希望有一天，大家都可以放下面具，真正去做自己。生而为人，请善良，请不要随意评判别人，请好好爱自己，爱别人，爱世界！！！

He wears a mask,and his face grows to fit it.--George Orwell

We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity,so we make them go prove it all the time.

The first lie every boy learns in America is we associate masculinity with athletic ability.Size,strength,or some kind of skill set.Those boys that can catch a down and out,or hit the hanging curve,are elevated.They're set up for a tremendous failure and frustration in life,because being a man doesn't have a single thing to do with athletic ability.You think about all the other boys on that playground,they don't just want to play sports,they want to do computers or music or drama or debate.

Second lie every boy learns,is that we associate masculinity with economic success.You know,it's been said that comparison is the thief of all happiness,so if you're building your sense of masculinity based on power or possessions,there's always going to be someone that has more,that leads to an incredible empty life of striving for things at the expense of what's really important in life.

Then the third criteria is that as a culture,we associate sexual conquest with masculinity.Associating that with masculinity is so dehumanizing.Those words are designed to keep boys silent,to keep them conforming to the construct.

There's a dominance hierarchy,there are tough guys who are on the top and there are weaklings,girls,who are the bottom of the heap.Now this is the origin of sexism and homophobia.In sexism,it's that a girl isn't as strong as a boy.With homosexuality,the gay man,becomes the most stigmatized version of weakness and sissiness.What happens in your relation with other kids,is that you pick out someone who appears weak in that way,you maybe bully him,but maybe it's just a more subtle kind of demeaning.And you start hating that thing about him that you're afraid of in yourself.

We recognize more and more that adolescents are more likely to be depressed and suicidal,but we imagine that that will be female adolescence,because of the way we define depression,more removed,more quiet,not responding.What boys tend to do when they are getting depressed,is actually the opposite.Boys are more likely to act out,they're more likely to become aggressive using cursing words and screaming at people.But most people see it as a conduct disorder,or just the bad kid...and what happens?Before they see the other signs of depression,which will come in adolescent males just as females,that young male may become suicidal but no one has noticed it.

We have a rape culture.What that means is that individual rapists aren't just crawling out of the swamp,they're being produced by our culture.

We live in a world,right here in our country,where men 's violence against women is at epidemic proportions.

I call what we do to our little boys and men,"the great setup".We raise boys to become men whose very identity is based on rejecting the feminine and then we are surprised when they don't see women as being fully human.So we set them up,we set boys up to grow into men who disrespect women at a fundamental level,and then we wonder why we have the culture that we have.

One of the things that has provoked so much anger in American Society today,is this notion of "aggrieved entitlement"--that men feel entitled to positions of power and all that.But they don't feel like they're getting them as much anymore.That's the injury.Not that I was in power,but that I was entitled to be.

The father wound is any on-going psychological,emotional deficit or injury that would have been met in a healthy relationship.So the father wound is probably one of the most serious issues in this country.Wounding boys become wounding men apart from some kind of intervention.In my own healing process,I took myself as an adult man and myself as a five-year old boy,and I walked both of them back down my mother's basement steps and there I confronted my father.Five-year old boys are supposed to be loved,they're supposed to be tucked in at night.It's an amazing thing when I did that work,because it was the first time I ever had empathy for my own father.I started to think about who hurt him in a way that he would be so angry as he was?I think every man's journey is how do you reconnect that heart to the head.To start living out of the authentic you.

Everyone deserves to feel whole.And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boys in our lives.

Many of us are operating,from a place of tradition,just the way things have been.We need to get men into their hearts and out of their heads.There's freedom outside of these rigid definitions of manhood.

We need to redefine strength in men,not as the power over other people,but as forces for justice,and justice means equality and fairness,and working against poverty,and working against,you know,inequality and violence.That's strength.And we need more men who have the courage to stand up and speak out,even when it means taking a risk.To go into male culture,and say some things that are going to make other men uncomfortable.Because this is about leadership.

Empathy and caring for other people and being sympathetic toward people,these are not just feminine traits or behavior patterns,these are human patterns.

Take the challenge.

Exert your influence.

We all have a role to play in creating a healthier culture.

这是一个讨论美国文化对年轻男性心理影响的纪录片。大众文化将男性与愤怒，暴力，和物化女性联系在一起。在教育男孩的时候，经常听到人说“像个男孩一样”。什么是像个男孩一样呢？就是不能哭，苦是软弱的象征；不能暴露感情，因为那是“女孩才会做的事”。 所以小孩子从三四岁的时候就开始学着隐藏自己的感情。说出这些话的，上学前是家长，上学后是同伴，老师，和教练。

而造成这样价值观，更大的原因是主流媒体，电影，和游戏里对男性特性的期待和描述。他们一般都是冷酷暴力，挥金如土，花天酒地的白人男性。过度渲染这种形象的危险性在于，在大家向这种形象靠拢的过程中常常丢失自我。而在寻找自己这个过程中迷茫，却迫于“男性形象”的压力不能以悲伤和脆弱的方式表现出来，于是转为愤怒和暴力，向周围宣泄。

1. 没有办法再脱离女性权利的基础上讨论男性 虽然这部纪录片是讲述男性成长的，但里面清楚的记录了男性刻板要求对于女性的不公。其中有几个教育家指出在对男孩说“别像个女孩儿一样”这种话的同时，暗示着他们女孩更加弱小更低档。其实男性和女性都可以喜欢运动，喜欢艺术，喜欢剧场，喜欢任何他们可以喜欢的，不用非在某一个条条框框里。把这种性别指示强的话拿走，对于所有人的成长都是有帮助的。

2. 对于强大的定义 肌肉，金钱和女人。 这只是媒体过于简化的结果。当人对于强大的定义是外界指标的时候，是一定会失败的。你有肌肉，一定会有人比你更强；有钱，一定会有人有更多。不单是现实，如果考虑到虚构作品，更是无穷无尽。所以要从内心出发，不要被外界影响。

3. 面具里面有什么 一个老师让他的学生们在面具正面写上想让大家看到的自己，背面写下隐藏起来的内心。正面都是积极阳光的话，而背面则经常出现“不安”，“愤怒”一类的词。印象很深的是有一个男孩写了很多“想我爸爸，必须照顾自己的弟弟，伤心”。其实青少年的内心都是脆弱敏感的，而女生比女生有更多机会倾诉。“抑郁和伤心”被视为软弱和女性化，所以男生在疏解自己情绪上没有有效的途径。如果大家更加包容，男生和女生一样可以哭，会更有利于男生的心理健康。

片子里面有个游戏，叫做“If you really know me, you would know that...” 我在想如果是我的话我会说什么。如果你真的懂我，你会发现我渴望别人认同，但是非常没有安全感。习惯性避免冲突，总是做出更多让步，对于我来说，获得别人喜欢比获得成功更加重要。